Friday, December 14, 2012 was my 25th birthday. I decided I needed to spend a day away from the great glowing rectangles. I decided to get out into the world, and have a bit of an adventure. After all, to write about life, we must experience it. But where does one go for an adventure on Long Island? So, I bought a groupon for an indoor rock climbing gym, hopped in the car, and drove 45 minutes to this warehouse-gym. I learned how to tie fancy knots, how to belay, and to my delight, discovered that I am a natural climber. Who'dathunkit??
Right before I began my first climb, my heart was jumping out of my chest. My thoughts flew back and forth between sheer excitement, to utter insanity. Finally, I let the excitement take over. I scaled my first wall in minutes, and upon reaching the top, I looked down. When you're clinging to a wall thirty feet from the ground, all of your noisy thoughts melt away. It's just you. Living, breathing, and marveling at the strength of your own body. In order to get down, you have to let go of the wall and fall back, allowing your climb partner to belay you to the ground. It's a floating sort of fall--as you make your way back to the ground. But in the moments before I let go, I felt ALIVE. I could feel my heart pumping my blood through my veins, and I was hyperaware of my body. I felt every particle of my own existence, and it was amazing. Needless to say, I can't wait to do it again.
When I got home, I logged onto facebook to find a flurry of notifications--all well wishes for my birthday. I felt loved, and happy. Then, I started to scroll through my newsfeed. It was about 5:30 pm. Statuses spoke of a shooting, and of innocent children. They spoke of gun laws, school safety, and tragedy. The hyperawareness of my body returned, only this time, I felt a huge weight within it. My body was alive and strong, but my heart hurt. It felt heavy. I didn't want to believe the things I was reading. It couldn't be real. I slowly walked out of the computer room to find my mother. "Mom--what happened in Connecticut?"
I am so stunned by the sheer horrors of this tragedy. I think of the children I read to, their brilliant smiles, their wonderfully creative minds, and their innocence. I still cannot wrap my mind around this awful thing. I cannot fathom how one person can cause so much pain, and destroy so many lives. I can barely bring myself to open the newspaper, let alone, look at the front page. I remember the Colombine shooting--I was in fourth or fifth grade, and suddenly teachers were remarkably strict about how children treated one another. If anyone said: "I'm gonna get you/kill you/hurt you", you were immediately sent to the principal. It didn't matter if it was a joke, or if it was part of the game you were playing. Threats were taken seriously. But there was no threat in Connecticut. There was no threat in Aurora. Some things we cannot prepare for. This year has seen too many tragedies. Children killed. Lives cut short, and families, shattered.
Our people need to grieve. But something must be done. I'm angry that we live in a world where violence is becoming the answer. Violence is NOT okay. Teasing, and bullying kids because they're "different" is NOT okay. That can lead to violence.
I don't think gun laws are the biggest issue here. We need to look at school safety. Example: I was delivering books the other day to local elementary schools. Do you know that not ONE person asked for my name, or ID? They opened the school doors for me, without question. Unacceptable.
Another major problem, and what think is the root of it all...is our culture. It's too easy to blame faulty laws. We must take responsibility, for we have created the mess that we are living in. Violence is too accessible for our children. It's everywhere--in their TV shows, their video games. It's all over the internet. How do we protect them from it? CAN we protect them from it?
Last night, I clicked through a slideshow of those who were killed. I memorized each face, and whispered "You are loved. You will not be forgotten."
We mustn't allow this to become another "deadly shooting." We must remember this tragedy as the day that twenty children, ages 10 and under, were killed. We must remember the random act of violence that stole their lives, and broke their families. We must remember the heroic teachers who gave their lives to protect their students. We must remember those, who by some miracle, were spared. Their lives are forever changed.
I feel so very grateful to be alive. To be able to feel the strength of my body, as I climb walls. To be able to celebrate another birthday, with my family. To wake each morning, as the sun peaks through my window. To be able to taste the crisp winter air. My heart is broken for those who no longer can. Take a moment, each morning to greet the day. To allow yourself to feel grateful for it.
The world is a scary place. Children won't understand the sad things, or the bad things. But we can help them through it by showing them the good things. I want to inspire children to imagine, and to create. I want to show them how beautiful the world can be. I want to be there for them when it gets too scary. That's why I'm a children's writer. I hope that through my work, I can make a difference in the life of a child.
My heart goes out to the entire Newtown community. Nothing I can say, will ever heal the enormous loss you are all feeling. I cannot comprehend it. All I can say, is that you have my prayers. You have my love. Be strong for your children. Show them that there is good in the world, too. You will be okay.
Look for the good things in the world. We will all be okay.
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