I've been in Israel for one week now, and it's been a whirlwind of laughter, joy, confusion, and frustration. There have been amazing moments, the kind where your soul is on fire; and there have been some not so amazing moments...the kind where you get a glance inside yourself through your head, instead of your heart, and wonder "Am I doing the right thing?" But those moments are inevitable. There will be both.
My first night in Jerusalem, I had a picnic with some of the girls I met at orientation. We sat on the quad, shared some beers and enjoyed the perfect breeze. I was awestruck. There I was, sitting in Jerusalem, within sight of the Old City, laughing over beers with my new friends. It was perfect.
The next night, I ventured off campus, to a wine festival at the Israel Museum. With hundreds of wines from all over Israel to taste, perfect weather, and a live band? Oh yes. It was going to be quite a night. The music was brilliant. It caught hold of me from the moment I walked in, and did not let go. I swayed from station to station. My hair was wild, and my turquoise dress hid my feet so that I seemed to float wherever I went. I felt beautiful, and free. Halfway through the evening, I found myself standing on an overlook. The lights of Jerusalem glowed, and I imagined that each light was a little bubble of existence. Within each, a story was taking place. Thousands of stories lit the sky that night, and I saw an eternity of possibility. Soon, the music took over my soul, and my friends and I dashed over to the band where we got lost in the music. I threw my arms into the air, and with a laughter that seemed to escape from the depths of my heart, I was gone. Dancing under the stars on a beautiful night in Jerusalem. Time swirled around us, as the music erupted from the hills. We were everything. We were nothing.
When our faces were red, and our feet sore, we decided to take a break. But before we could get away, we were pulled back by a melody that reached inside our very beings. It felt familiar, as if I had danced it in another life. We ran back to the band, to discover a hora! The circle spun madly, as we broke in, grabbed hands with strangers and danced in whirling circles. The world was spinning, and there was no distinction between friend or stranger. We laughed, we danced, we sang, and when the circle spun out of control, we all fell into each others arms in fits of joy.
It didn't end there.
We went to find the restroom. As we waited online, a woman exiting the stalls began singing Hatikvah (Israel's national anthem). Someone else joined in, and they sang, loudly, holding hands. When they finished, the woman left, and the girl who had joined her in song began clapping a slow beat. It didn't take more than a few seconds for us to figure out where this was headed. She burst out singing Hava Nagila, and soon we were dancing in circles, in the bathroom. It was outrageous, insane, and wonderful. The perfect end to a perfect night.
Class started the next day. My Ulpan is the most intense class I've ever taken. It's five hours/day of hebrew. Straight up, non-stop Hebrew. No english. The first day felt like drowning. You catch on pretty quickly though. It's a great way to teach language. The other day, I got lost on campus. After a wrong turn, I found myself standing on a balcony that overlooks the Old City...with the Kotel in full view. It took my breath away. Suddenly my mind was clear, my worries were gone. I knew I was where I'm meant to be. I suppose getting lost is the best way to find what you're looking for. I feel like that's what I've been doing all this time. Getting lost. Getting found. That's what I came here to do. I guess I just expected to arrive, and for everything to suddenly make sense. For all the fog to clear, and for my life to piece itself together. I should have known better. If the past three years have taught me anything, it's that nothing comes together, just like that. Even though coming here felt like reaching the top of the mountain, it's as if darkness has melted away with the morning light, and shown me the higher, rougher peak ahead. My next challenge. The perfect moments, like the wine festival, and the picnic, make the challenge a joy. And I continue to reassure myself that nothing worth having comes easy. I've been here a week, and it's been wonderful. It's also been lonely, scary, confusing, frustrating, and weird. But mostly? It's been wonderful. I am happy. Truly happy. And I am scared. Truly scared. The adjustment from one way of life to another is more intense than I ever imagined it would be. I miss the comfort of driving down familiar streets, hearing familiar sounds, smelling familiar smells. But then I look around, and I realize that this...the adventure...is all I've ever wanted. I remember how long I've dreamed of getting lost in new places. And then I see the rolling hills, and valleys of Jerusalem. I smell the mountain air. It is crisp and clear. I hear the new sounds, smell the new smells, see the world through a new perspective...and suddenly I know everything is right. I am here.
Today I ventured out to the Old City to visit the Kotel, or what some of you might know as The Western/Wailing Wall. As you approach, you can feel something shifting. It is within you, it is all around you. The world feels different. Your heart becomes open, and full. You feel as if you've been embraced. I've always felt that walking up to The Kotel, feels like walking into the palm of G-d's hand. I have had some rather intense spiritual moments there in the past, and wasn't sure what to expect this time. As I approached it, I felt that familiar warmth spread through my body. A smile crept across my face, and I reached out. Flesh touched stone, and I was lost in a river of prayer. I felt overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity that I've been given. I will learn everything I can. See everything there is to see, do everything there is to do. I am more ready for this than I've ever been. As I walked away from The Wall, I felt at peace. I felt at home.
I then set off on a mission to find food. I wandered through the labyrinth that makes up the markets and shops within the Old City, as men shouted from their shops "you want to buy something?" It reminded me of the scene from Aladdin, where Jasmine finally gets outside the palace walls. "Pretty necklace, for a pretty lady!" The market is a sensory overload. So many colors, and beautiful things to look at. So many people shouting, bargaining, walking, and shopping. After some wandering, I finally found something familiar. The Cardo. Once I got there, I knew exactly where I was, and where I wanted to go. Instinct? Intuition? Who knows. But I eventually found the spot I had in mind, grabbed a schwarma, and sat down to eat while a very jealous cat sat by my side, demanding I toss her some scraps. (Which, I eventually did.) My first trip to the Old City was an absolute success.
And my first week? It's been better than I ever could have imagined.
Shabbat Shalom, from Israel!
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